A Valued Meal

Chase Weddington

A Valued Meal

It is the bottom of the ninth inning with the bases loaded. The team is down by three with two outs and one strike. The sun kisses the horizon causing the sky to turn a bright orange as Trey boldly stands at the plate to hit. He knows that a homerun will win his team the game. He clinches his bat and stares at the pitcher with an eye so sharp that it could pierce the toughest surfaces. Suddenly, there comes a call from behind him; it was a sound that did not come from the umpire. “Trey, tell your friends good-bye. It’s time for dinner”, yells Trey’s mother. His heart sank. Because of dinner, the game will be postponed. All across the field were faces of disappointment.

At the dinner table, Trey attempts to show his family his despise for having to leave his friends. His lips are sealed with invisible cement to refrain from conversation. His arms are tied in the tightest knot. The only thought that is going through his mind is: I can’t wait until I get older and can eat with who I want, when I want. This is a thought that is persistent in the minds of many adolescents who constantly have to end their evening obligations to sit at the dinner table with their families.

Studies show that “In 2007, 35 percent of adolescents ages 15 to 17 ate six to seven meals a week with their family,”(Child Trends Data Bank, par. 9). Children are blinded with the aggravation of having to stop their activities and do not capture the significance behind having dinner with their families. The hidden message behind dinner with family is to appreciate each other’s company and value the time that is spent together. But if we live together in the same household, don’t you think that is enough “family time”?

A child may be nonchalant about missing a meal with his or her family because they know that another will be scheduled very soon. Constantly being around the family would elicit a cry for space and isolation, making a child more resistant to family time at and away from the dinner table. However, the clock never seems to reach “family time” for college students that live away from home. Being separated by hundreds of miles from home makes it difficult for these individuals to see their families. When they return home for breaks, every dinner is important because it will be quite a bit of time before they return, being that the breaks are dispersed so far apart. As a result, children’s aggravation for family dinners turns into appreciation for them when transitioning into college.

Dinner time with the family meant that mom or dad spent numerous hours carefully seasoning and preparing your favorite meal that you requested. To a college student this is one step below winning tickets to the Final Four game between Duke and UNC-CH. Now, the student has to hope and pray that the chef has added that extra bit of pepper to the beef stew to add the “zing” that they are so used to, or enough cheese to the macaroni so it wouldn’t be a crime to call it macaroni with cheese.

A first-year student at the University of North Carolina, Vanessa Robinson, says that “I hate that I didn’t take advantage of having parents that were willing to cook every night. Now, I hardly eat because the food here is just not prepared the way that I like”. There are many first-year students that have similar responses and feelings. This is because they are newly exposed to this independent lifestyle and are obligated to adjust to it at a quick pace.

After surveying some of the freshmen that attend UNC-CH, many responded in saying that they look at family oriented dinners differently now that they are in college. They found comfort in not only knowing what was about to be served, but comfort in knowing who they would be around. A freshman at the University of North Carolina, Taalib Cochrane, believes that a valuable dinner experience is composed of more than just an appetizing meal:

“Dinner time has really changed for me now that I’m in college. My mom always cooked the best meals. But it was more than the meals that made the dinner special. When I eat in the dining halls on campus, I usually find people I normally associate with. Even though we are cool, it’s kind of hard to enjoy a good conversation with them. I’ve known most of them for a few months and I’m not real comfortable talking to them about a lot of things. But when I’m with my family, I tell them almost everything new that’s going on in my life”.

Through these remarks, Taalib preaches that it takes more than good food to have a complete dinner. He believes, as well as others, that a good dinner experience consists of a good meal and an inviting conversation between those who are at the table. As an adolescent grows older, he or she is more likely to have more mature conversations with their parent(s)/guardian(s). Hearing stories from friends about their wild weekends may be more entertaining, but the special connection in the conversation with family seems to be more important to college students.

Finding value in family oriented dinners is not something that only exists as an underclassman. In fact, I found that as one grows older, they find more value in the dinners that they share with their families. During a conversation with Jamal Coleman, a senior at North Carolina Agricultural and Technology University, he stated that “Even as a young man who has many obligations, I still reflect and even look forward to eating dinner with my family. The meals are always good and the conversations are the best. All of my family, from my parents to my siblings, share words that will help me as I begin to establish myself as independent adult”.

It is not unusual to find some of the upperclassmen practicing some of the etiquette they have learned from their homes. I had dinner with Mr. Coleman and was able to see how he dines with his roommates in his apartment. Before coming to the dinner table, the television set was turned off and all cellular devices were put away and placed on vibrate/silent. We joined hands and said grace before we began eating. As we ate, we engaged in conversation and were mindful of table manners, such as using napkins, not talking with our mouths full, and keeping elbows off of the table. The chicken that was served had the extravagant taste of lemon pepper, a seasoning that is nonexistent to cafeteria chefs. A freshly tossed salad and loaded baked potatoes served as the apprentices to the chicken. The meal was carefully prepared and the taste would make tears drop from a college student’s eye.

When we were finished, everyone pitched in to clean up the kitchen. He believed that dinner is sacred and wouldn’t even allow me to photograph it. The dinners he shared with his family did more than fill his appetite. They filled his heart with respect and love for the time he was able to share with his family around the dinner table.

I was also granted the opportunity to have dinner with another family a few weeks later. This was the family of James Manor, a freshman at UNC- Chapel Hill. A few days prior to the dinner I notified James that I would like to take pictures and how I was not allowed to do so at Mr. Coleman’s abode. “Oh man yeah, that is fine with me. My family is a lot more care-free about what goes on at the dinner table,” he replied.

At the night of the dinner, I walked into the dining room that held a table that was carefully decorated as if they were awaiting the arrival of a King and his court. His mother and father took their seats at the heads of the table just as the King and Queen. We were served some of the most delicious food I have ever consumed. It was prepared as if his mother was competing in the Iron Chef competition. The spare ribs were perfectly cooked with tender meat sliding off of the bone. The baked beans had a genuine sweetness to them and the macaroni and cheese had the perfect balance between cheese and pasta. The green beans looked stolen from the picture on the can and the cornbread was softer than a pillow. When I received my plate, I devoured the food and let my taste buds experience their slight vacation in paradise. The food was so good that I had to return for seconds. This food, compared to the cafeteria food at school, was like diamonds compared to coal. It made me miss and appreciate the quality meals my parents would prepare daily.

When dinner was over, Mrs. Manor excused everyone so that she could clean the table. The hospitality, good food, and conversation offered at the Manor’s residence made me feel like a prisoner that has just been released into the public. After being confined to eating the food offered by the cafeteria, I realized the difference between food and “good” food. The dinner made me reminisce on the dinners I would have with my family. Having to go back to the lackluster meals in the cafeteria made me more persistent in trying to return home more often to enjoy a few good dinners with my family.

While gathering information about how the value of family oriented dinners, I found that as a college student that does not live at home with their parent(s)/guardian(s), dinners are treated with more respect. It doesn’t matter whether or not the dinner is exciting; instead, it matters how much stronger the bond between a child and their family becomes. Now, I hear of students like Taalib, Vanessa, and James going home during breaks and eating dinner with their families more than they did before they moved out. Every moment becomes a precious moment when you are reunited with the ones that love you most. Even though Trey wasn’t able to hit the homerun and cross home plate, he was still victorious. He has received values that will stick with him for longer than nine innings. These teachings will stick with him for the rest of his life. Even if Trey doesn’t appreciate them now, he will in the future.

http://s1211.photobucket.com/albums/cc440/chapelhilleats/A%20Valued%20Meal/?albumview=slideshow

References

Child Trends (2010). Family Meals. Retrieved from www.childtrendsdatabank.org/?q=node/197.